All questions are from Dianna, age four. Her mom forwards them to me and I do my best to answer.

Why do monsters like to eat people?
I’ll be honest—people are yummy. But here’s a little known fact: If you look a monster in the eye and say “I refuse to be eaten!” most monsters will respect that.

What’s inside of a carrot?
A slightly smaller carrot.

Where do burps come from?
Heaven. Burps are morse code from angels. What are they trying to tell you?

Why are four-year-olds supposed to wipe their own bottoms?
It’s the first step toward being able to stay up as late as you want.

Why do kitties want to be kitties?
Because their parents have dressed them as kitties since they were born. Maybe if their parents would let them dress as puppies sometimes, they might want to be puppies.

Why are wedding dresses puffy fluffy?
Wedding dresses puff up to scare away other wedding dresses.

Why do Daddy’s hands make my blanket too tight?
The real question is: Why does your blanket make your daddy so strong? Will your blanket make me that strong?

Why don’t turtles’ ears stick out?
Because if their ears stuck out, it would make them even cuter. And if they were cuter, you might explode.

Why don’t frogs wear clothes?
All my frogs wear clothes. I don’t know what’s wrong with your frogs.

Why are some boogers hard and some are soft?
They are trying to figure out which you like better.

How does Wonder Woman get her Wonder Woman costume on when she spins around?
It’s hard to put into words. You just have to keep trying until you get it.

Why don’t babies come out wearing clothes?
Because babies are secretly frogs.